Pulled Lamb and Chickpea Curry and Creamy Chicken and Nectarine Curry served with Bombay Potatoes and Buttery Garlic Naan

Recently, this blog has been accused of not being ridiculous enough. Let’s rectify this, shall we?

If you don’t already have spices knocking around your kitchen, acquiring the ingredients for this dish could end up being quite pricey. I’ve used individual spices, because that’s what I have. But if you don’t have any of them, and don’t think you’ll use them after this dish, a spice blend would work out much cheaper.

That said, even without having to buy spices, the sheer quantity of ingredients required makes it relatively expensive. However, you should note that this “meal for one” is more like a feast. For one. That part’s non-negotiable. All the food you wind up with should last for AT LEAST four meals. And curries get even better over time! To make it more cost effective, you can bulk it up with rice.

Oh, and you’ll notice I just call these dishes “curry”. I’ve never been to India and I sorta made these up as I went along, so I feel entirely unqualified to attempt any sort of classification. But good Gandhi do they taste amazing, and really that's all that matters. They’re quite mild though, so if you like your curries hot, add more chilli peppers.

I came here to make curry and chew bubblegum…

The Fantastico World of Homemade Pizza

Follow these simple instructions and you’ll never eat another frozen pizza again.

Pizzas are like sandwiches or résumés, you can put absolutely anything you want on them. I’m not going to stifle your creativity by telling you what should go on your pizza, I’ll just make some suggestions and you can take it from there.

Ah shaddapa you face!

The Wonderful World of Homemade Ice-Cream

When describing a culinary delight, it’s customary to use an image of the meal after all of its constituent parts have been assembled, not before. I’ve made an exception here, because I really wanted to stress just how doable this is. Making your very own ice-cream may seem like a pipe dream to some, but it’s a very straightforward process. And there’s a hell of a sense of gratification when you’re scooping up an extra large helping of your very own creamy goodness ohmygod cooking is the dirtiest sounding thing ever!

Ahem. Perhaps the best part of all is that you get to completely define the flavours. I used strawberries this time, but once you’ve made the basic mixture, you can put absolutely whatever you want in there before freezing it. Alcohol is a great choice because (outside of the obvious reasons) it lowers the freezing temperature of the mix, resulting in a softer, easier to scoop final product.

Just hook it to my veins!

Slow Braised Oxtail Ragù with Fresh Pappardelle

Oxtail is probably the most over-looked cut of beef. Which is just how I like it, because that keeps the price down. You do need to slow cook it, but the result is an incredibly rich, sticky, tender meat with fat that melts in the mouth like only the best steaks. Drool-inducingly good.

Now, as a heads-up I should say that this meal takes 5-6 hours to prepare. The vast majority of that is just cooking time, with little-to-no input required. But that doesn’t sound very impressive, so let’s put the ridiculous back in this blog and use some of that time to make our own fresh pasta from scratch.

What? You got something better to do? (Spoiler, you don’t. This is one of tastiest things you’ll ever put in your mouth)

I’ll be the judge of that. Recipe me.

Crispy Southern-Style Buttermilk Quail with Roasted Wedges and Zesty Coleslaw

Quail is pretty much just miniature chicken, but with this added mystique that makes it perfect for whenever you want to make a meal instantly fancy. People will be all “Oh my god, quail! So fancy!” As proof of this, I made goddamn fried chicken, but with quail. And somehow it seems fancy.

If quail is expensive where you live (or just plain hard to get your hands on), you can in fact just use chicken drumsticks. They take a little longer to cook though, so keep that in mind.

You can see in the picture that I put the coleslaw right up front. That was to trick you, and myself, into believing that this meal isn’t just a big pile of grease. There are also lemon wedges on the plate. They are a yellow lie, used to balance out all the brown. At no point did I squeeze those.

Less talk, more BIRD MURDER!

Honey and Whiskey Roast Chicken served with Chilli Parsnip Fries and Baby Potatoes Simmered in Bay-Infused Milk

Possibly the trickiest meal to prepare is the Roast Dinner. Accurately cooking through the large bird or joint of meat, juggling the timing of the various side dishes, creating a rich gravy that balances well with the other flavours on the table. Many accomplished housewives spend years and years perfecting the culinary skills and building the experience required to serve up a roast dinner on Sunday.

Or that’s all horseshit, and the best kept secret of my parents’ generation is how just bonkersly simple it is to throw together a roast. It looks fancy as all hell, but it really couldn’t be easier.

Why in god’s name would I make a whole roast chicken just for me?

Because it lasts. You’ll get at least two full dinners (or lunches) out of the meat and vegetables you prepare here, and after that you’ll have a load of cooked chicken to do with as you please. Curries, sandwiches, salads, pastas, high-class pet food, anything. Sound good?

Alright, it’s go time!